The New Me

Hello,

Yesterday I had a new experience. I have always bought make-up off the shelf. In a magazine that I got for Christmas a certain brand was recommended as being the best for covering the red in faces. Now I know I have quite a lot of red on my face so I decided to go for it. It is probably incomprehensible to most of you, but it took a bit of courage for me to go to this store that sells this brand because I knew I would not be able to just take the bottle off the shelf myself. Instead I would have to talk to the dreaded salesperson.

I blame all this discomfort on my mother who is not here to defend herself. She was quite timid about talking to people in the stores or returning anything or creating any kind of waves. Somehow I seem to have picked up some, okay maybe a lot of that from her. I was able to convince myself that they would not hurt me; in fact they would want to sell their products to me. Oh no, maybe they would be pushy and I do not like dealing with that. “Oh for heaven’s sake,” I bossed myself, “just do it.”

As I approached the counter and before I could veer off in another direction, a nice young woman asked if I needed help. From then on it was really quite painless. I had earlier told Leroy that people have told me that they did not think I wore make up when I never go out without it. What does that mean? It does little good? After this woman had color tested on my face, I asked, “Does it matter if I am wearing make-up?”

“Oh yes, I was probably matching the make-up,” she said, “I did not think you were wearing any.”

Even looking closely at my face under bright lights she could not see it. What does that mean? It blends perfectly, but covers little?

I ended up buying the make-up and a cover up for under the eyes.
Guilt set in as I told Leroy, “I spent more at one time on make-up than I have ever done.”

I wailed, “Maybe it is more than I have spent when you add them all together.”

“How do I look?” I wanted to know.

After scrutinizing my face, Leroy pronounced it very good.

I relaxed and felt better. I too thought it was very nice, but it helps to have some affirmation.

Maybe I had been spending far too much because the make-up was not doing for me what I wanted it to do? Even make-up and self esteem are complicated issues.

Paula