Embarrassment

Hello,

Embarrassment is not a disease that causes death, but causes acute discomfort. On the flight from Amsterdam to Minnesota I started noticing that my stomach was rumbling and complaining after the first meal. It was necessary to go to the toilet. About half an hour later I needed to go again. When it was more frequent then that I mentioned it to Sarah because surely she was wondering about all these trips I was making. Both of us had Imodium, but unfortunately it was in our check in bags in the bowels of the plane when it should have been in my bowel. We were not seated close to the toilet, but with attention to the symptoms I managed to get there without mishap. There were four toilets and I always found one of them open. Everyone on the way was surely noticing this woman running to the facilities all of the time.

One time I had to get up after the flight attendant was in the aisle with her meal cart. This woman moved into action after I tapped her on the shoulder and softly told her that I did not feel well and needed to use the bathroom. In less than a second she had stopped passing out food, unlocked the cart brake, and moved rapidly up the aisle. When she approached a man out of his seat with his back to her she announced loudly, “Sir,” and then louder, “Sir, this woman does not feel well and she needs to use the toilet now.”

So much for trying to look inconspicuous. But at least I again made it to the toilet. This attendant was very nice. She came and brought me some 7-up and later inquired at least two additional times about my welfare.

Just before landing I again used the facilities. Unfortunately it took a little while to get hundreds of people off this plane, but I told Sarah that I was going to try to go ahead of her to the bathroom. Moving as swiftly as I could down this never ending corridor I knew I would not make it. I could feel stuff going down my leg to my shoe. I did not look down or back to see if it went on the floor, but hurried to the bathroom stall where I stripped off my jeans, took off my underpants, shoes, socks, and cleaned myself as well as I could. I gathered my socks and underpants in a bundle, put my jeans and shoes back on, listened to make sure no one was out in the main room, threw my bundle in the trash, cleaned my hands, and walked out the door.

I now had to stand in line to have my passport checked. Sarah and Lexi were not visible, but that was ok since Sarah said, “We will just go ahead and meet at the baggage claim.”

I was so disgusted that I had not put any extra clothes in my carry on just useless things like books and snacks. I am not sure if I smelled or not, I tried not to let people see my backside. Not an easy task when I must have gotten in the slowest line on record.

Sarah had already gotten all of our bags by the time I was finished. I was praying that there would be no questions when I went to the passport guy. I was afraid that someone might notice and think I had Swine Flu. Then there was one more line for the customs check. After that we walked to the entrance and I went to stand outside in the open air where smells would not be so noticeable.

I rode to Brian’s house sitting on my coat so I would not mess up the car, got out of the car, Sarah ran and got a towel on the carpet so I would walk across it into the bathroom and take a shower.

As my children say, “I will never see those people again.” I am still alive, but I can think of more fun ways to spend time. For some reason I did not have a fever, ache, or any other discomfort and I am grateful for that.

Paula